3 Words That Explain Me: Avoidant Personality Disorder

You can go through your entire life, in my case 58 years, over half a century, and never hear a phrase or a term. Then suddenly you hear or read 3 little words and your whole life flashes in front of your eyes and you suddenly have an explanation for all the ways you acted or behaved that seemed abnormal to you or others. Suddenly you understand why you are different or react differently than most people. You read the explanation of what those words mean and you can almost pinpoint the exact moment your life changed. For me those words were, Avoidant Personality Disorder.


Avoidant personality disorder (AvPD), also known as anxious personality disorder, is a Cluster C personality disorder recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders handbook as afflicting persons when they display a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation, and avoidance of social interaction. Individuals afflicted with the disorder tend to describe themselves as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted and isolated from others.Continue reading here...


When I was a very little girl, my dad worked away from home in logging camp. I was a very emotional child as well as being extremely shy and I remember loving my dad with everything I had. So I was always very happy when he came home because I thought he would return the love I so freely gave. Unfortunately my father was very emotionally unavailable to his children. So because of the rejection I felt, it scarred me emotionally. I remember one particular time when he had come home from logging camp. I tried to crawl up on his knee for a cuddle. He pushed me away and told me to get off. I remember screaming and crying hysterically that I hated him, my small heart shattered into a million pieces. I think that was the moment that everything changed for me.





People with avoidant personality disorder are preoccupied with their own shortcomings and form relationships with others only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these individuals will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others. They often view themselves with contempt, while showing an increased inability to identify traits within themselves which are generally considered as positive within their societies.Childhood emotional neglect—in particular, the rejection of a child by one or both parents—has been associated with an increased risk for the development of AvPD, as well as rejection by peers.