Even My Mother Couldn't Love Me

• The exact cause of avoidant personality disorder is unknown.
• The disorder may be related to temperament and personality traits that are influenced by both genetic and environmental factors. Specifically, various anxiety disorders in childhood and adolescence have been associated with a temperament characterized by behavioral inhibition, including features of being shy, fearful, and withdrawn in new situations.
• Genetic factors have been hypothesized to cause avoidant personality disorder and social phobia. A twin study of Norwegian young adults found a 35% genetic effect for avoidant personality disorder; most (83%) of these genes are also related to other personality disorders.

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Although the cause of Avoidant Personality disorder is unknown, in my case, I believe it was the emotional trauma caused from an emotionally unavailable father and an overprotective mother. Life at home was difficult for me. I was constantly traumatized by my parents arguing.  I felt separate from my two older sisters and my younger brother. I felt out of place in my own family. The things and situations that upset me seemed to have no effect on them. I often felt that I was adopted and that this was not my family. I felt like an outcast and I remember that I avoided close contact with anyone in my family.  When I was about 8 years old I remember that I rejected my mother. I think that was because of the feeling of rejection from my dad at a young age. Perhaps I rejected her as a protection from being rejected, once again, by someone I loved so much.  I had always let her bathe me and brush my hair, rub my legs with ointment when I suffered from growing pains. Then I rejected all her attempts at affection. I don't think it was a gradual rejection. Although my memories of my childhood are very vague, it seems to me that the rejection was sudden and final. As I grew into my teen years and I had arguments with my mom, whenever she would say anything negative to me in anger, it was reinforcement to me of my unworthiness of love and proof that even my own mother couldn't love me.